


Hats Off

by Brinzby



Category: Super Mario Bros. (Video Games)
Genre: (but like... fight me), (since it's not even 1000 words long), (technically a brief cameo appearance from everyone involved), Gen, also I made this like 3000 years ago, and just never got around to posting it here, short oneshot for a tumblr prompt, which tells you everything you need to know about how active I am, with a brief cameo appearance from dreambert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 06:10:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20384953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brinzby/pseuds/Brinzby
Summary: After graduation everyone throws their caps in the air. When they soar back down everyone is holding a different cap that resembles an occupation: some people hold army hats, others baseball caps, some fast food ones, even a helmet for a space suit. Yours, however, doesn’t come back down. (@writing-prompt-s.tumblr)





	Hats Off

The class of ‘85 sat slack in their folding chairs, half-attentive as the valedictorian’s farewell speech drew to a close. In a few short minutes would be the deciding moment of their futures, but it was hard to remain engaged with Dreambert Pillone at the podium.

In the front row, even before the A-surname students, sat the mononymous brothers Mario and Luigi– perhaps the only two trying to feign interest in Dreambert’s overly-verbose send-off. But even they were distracted.

“I should’ve payed more attention in Geometry,” Luigi muttered, nervously wringing his hands around the cap that held his destiny. “What if it ruins me, Mario? What if I was supposed to be a mathematician or something?”

Mario patted his brother on the back. “Aw, c'mon, 'Weeg,” he said, “you’ll be fine. I mean, a _B minus_ ain’t nothin’ to sneeze at. You could certainly do worse… You could be like _me!_”

“Well, it– your grades can’t be _that_ bad, Mario.”

Mario shrugged. “I mean, I _passed._”

“How… how bad is it.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“C'mon. How bad?”

Mario scratched the back of his head. “Uh… let’s just say that mama wasn’t exactly… _’D’-lighted_ to hear the news.”

“Oh, Mario.” Luigi gave his brother’s shoulder a sympathetic squeeze, but Mario waved him off.

“It’s alright, 'Weeg. I’ve come to peace with it. Who knows? I could be a plumber, like pops!”

Behind them, the students began to stir. Dreambert hadn’t yet finished his speech, but the magikoopas were already gathering high in the air, casting a colorful cloud of magic dust in their wake. The once-listless crowd, captivated by the mist, now thrummed with energy.

It was time.

“The moment arrives,” Dreambert exclaimed from the stage, hurrying to finish before the spell was ready, “for us young adults to take upon our shoulders the mantle of our destinies! Be at one with your fates, my fellow students! _Cast your caps aloft!_”

Dreambert’s was the first into the air, but his golden honor cords had barely disappeared into the mist before the flurry of his peers’ caps joined in. And at the hollered count of three, both brothers threw their own caps into the fray– subjecting themselves to their respective destinies together.

The stadium’s collective breath was held in anticipation for the few seconds it took the arcane mist to process the students’ fates, shortly to be released in a burst of excitement as the newly-transformed caps came raining back down. A flower crown, a head mirror, an aviator hat… a whole hodgepodge of other niche headwear, unidentifiable at a glance… all cascading down, guided into the hands of their owners by some unseen force. And with each hat returned, the mist thinned, clearing the air in the most literal sense of the word.

Then, pitching one final cap out towards the front row, the cloud blew away, hissing loudly to signal its departure.

Luigi fumbled the catch, and the cap, a simple green gatsby, plopped to the ground beside Mario. Luigi wondered what it meant– it seemed like there was some symbol on the front that might clarify what it could be for, but the cap had deflated against the brim, obscuring it from view.

He nudged at his brother’s shoulder. “Hey, bro, could you pick that up for me?… Uh, bro? Hello-o?”

Mario was unresponsive, staring dumbfoundedly at the ceiling. In fact, with a sudden hush, the entire stadium seemed to slowly divert their attention back into the air, as if for an encore.

“Uh– Mario? What–” Luigi was late in catching the mood of the room, but when it had finally hit him he followed Mario’s gaze, into the empty space where the cloud had been.

There, suspended in the air, a red gatsby not unlike Luigi’s own, refusing to fall back down. The students began to whisper amongst themselves– what could it mean? This had never happened before. Why would a hat not fall back down?

The hairs on the back of Mario’s neck stood on end, his pulse pounding in his throat, but he knew the cap belonged to him– he knew it was his responsibility. So, with a wan smile towards the equally anxious crowd, he stepped forward.

“Uh,” he stammered, “does this mean I’m unemployed?”

Nobody laughed at his joke, transfixed by the cap as it shimmered slowly downwards, drifting until it was but a few feet in front of Mario. He gulped audibly, fighting the tremors in his hands as he reached out to grab the brim.

Two large eyes opened up to stare back at him.

He jumped back, slipping on the linoleum floor and landing on his rump, and the sudden movement seemed to shock the cap back to its senses, because it now looked around the room wildly.

And then it _spoke._

“Oh! Sorry!” it exclaimed, as if it were perfectly natural for a cap to be speaking. “I didn’t mean to intrude… Begging your pardon, sir, but I need to borrow this for a while!”

Mario watched as his cap– or whatever it was that was _'borrowing’_his cap– zipped away, carrying his very future, his _livelihood_, in tow, and with a burst of adrenaline leapt to his feet. “Wait! I _need_ that! Come back!”

“I know– I’m sorry! It’s an emergency!”

“_Come back!_”

Luigi watched helplessly as his brother parted the crowd, chasing the suddenly-sentient cap out of the stadium. He didn’t bother trying to squeeze through after him, since everyone and their mother was blocking the doorway trying to do just that– instead, he hobbled back over to the front row, where his own cap had almost been forgotten, and picked it off the ground, straightening out the logo.

There, a nervous boo imprisoned within a bright red prohibitive symbol.

_A paranormal investigator._

He should’ve payed more attention in Geometry.


End file.
